Monday, April 26, 2010

Fresh start

I'm beginning to wish I hadn't deleted my blog.
Sometimes I let my emotions get the better of me.
At the time I just couldn't bring myself to read some of the posts I vented to, or admitted to, or confessed to.
Maybe this go around I'll be more conservative.
... we'll see how long that lasts.

I've gotten a new perspective, recently, on life. By dating a guy from the city I've grown in immeasurable ways. My comfort zone has expanded; I'm more trusting and willing to try new things that I wouldn't have shaken a stick at before. I'm realizing that the things I thought badly of weren't, in reality, really what I'd imagined, and how I imagined things are nothing like what they truly are. I've been set in my place. For once, humbled by falsehood. And I mean that in no way pompous of my ability to make correct judgements. But I find that it is seldom that I make judgements based on no evidence. I do draw conclusions based on little evidence, but I do not intertwine reality with fantasy, apart from my own day dreams. It feels good to be set aback. Like a child running down a hill, only to realize the hill is steeper than one was initially prepared to handle, and with each impact beneath the soles of my shoes I can feel the unsteadiness in my legs as momentum propels me towards certain demise... but the hill flattens out and possibly even heads uphill, and it is here I've found my stability again, and I can breathe a sigh of relief.
I believe we all need to think about walking downhill from now on. It seems easy enough to let the contour of the land take us as it may, to let our muscles relax and coast down at the will of gravity. But what happens if the bottom is further than we predicted? What of the fatigue we can not predict, or the unseen imperfection in the ground we entrust so carelessly?
We take each day in stride, I am merely suggesting we shorten our stride, as to widen our gaze.

Isn't it easier to observe where you are, or where you're going, when the pace is tamed?
I'd even let someone else drive for a while... someone I trusted. Someone I could depend on to steer me in the right direction.


So maybe I'll let him drive here and there. He's done a fair job so far. And what could it hurt? He'd only be there to comfort me if we're to lose our way. I guess it proves life is better spent together.